why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
