A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
