Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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