I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
