I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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