i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
