rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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