Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
