i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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