U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
