i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
