I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
