Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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