Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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