He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
