it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
