New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
