Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
