Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
