I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
