I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
