Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
