Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
