I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize