when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
