Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
