2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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