I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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