Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
