Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
