every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
