I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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