awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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