My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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