How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
