Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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