My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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