we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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