Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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