I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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