at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
