According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
