That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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