so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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