I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
