I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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