I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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