either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
