Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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