I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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