Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
