I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
