a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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