It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
