At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
