my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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