And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
