Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
