Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
