i need an iv and a liver transplant
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
