Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
