I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
