just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Help. Why am I so naked?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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