Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just had sex bonerless
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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